Thursday, February 18, 2016

Evidence

My eldest daughter E is evidence that I had no idea what I was doing when I became a parent! I did everything wrong, I functioned in survival mode and THAT. WAS. IT. I survived it, and guess what - my girl is a pretty incredible human and I am in love with her. But she is the proof, to this day, that I was clueless and "flying by the seat of my pants" daily!
My second child, is evidence that I actually knew what I was doing the second time around. I mean I was still a far cry from "the book," and the book was tossed out for good the first time around. AND of course, I am still messy and quirky ME; he is just the proof that I was a more ready parent!
I mean I not sure when he actually slept through the night, but my four year old has yet to, less a few RARE nights, so is that enough evidence for you? I think so.

I have been thinking of this post and this idea of the reflection of my parenting in each of my children a lot this past week. Bedtime for our youngest is: PJS, bottle, bed. Prayers are usually said for him outside his door because he hates to be disturbed.. When he is tired all he wants is that bed, no cuddles, no people... E on the other hand is: PJs, teeth, fight for 10 minutes to get her in her room, read books (if she haven't lost that privilege in that prior 10 minutes), pray, rub back, convince her to close her eyes, sit at the end of the bed until she falls asleep, and be as quiet as a mouse as you escape her pink paradise!!!

Evidence: I was a new, sleepless mom - I was nursing, I was to scared to let her sleep with us but I didn't know what to do and I was barely functioning. So I nursed her in our bed, which turned into her sleeping in our bed. Once we transitioned her to her own bed, she literally woke up every night and would come get in bed with us and I let her in my exhaustion!

Well, every night I reminded of my clueless, survival history! And, if I am 100% honest, I am SOOO at PEACE about it. I am so at peace as to the parent I was and have become. I didn't know what I was doing, "the book" parenting isn't me; I am so good with that!  I am at peace with my clueless history and I am fine with the decisions and the impact on our lives today. When I literally lay J baby down and he falls asleep independently, and then I have to go through the long process with E girl, every night is just a reflection of my parenting made solely from my experience the first time versus the second.

So as I have been thinking, why does the evidence matter? My kids are the proof of my parenting, they are just innocent to it, but who they are rests in who I am to them. And dang, I think I am a pretty great momma. I am a mess momma, but I like what the evidence says about me 90% of the time.
I love that my children are evidence of me, who I was and who I became; oh and for kicks lets throw in, who I'm becoming... I am sure parenting a teen won't be excessively similar to snotty noses and poopy diapers... But I know that what I am doing now will obviously have a lasting impact on who that teen girl and boy are one day... as evidenced by the baby girl that slept by me and her daddy and now needs "company" every night in order to enter dreamland.. oh yeah, that's my fault.....
Hmm... (shoulder shrug)

Spiritually speaking we to are a reflection of our Heavenly Father - and I'm still working on it, okay!

And just one last thing:

No offense, but refrain -

NO PARENTING ADVICE IN THE COMMENTS! I got this, promise.. and lots of love! -Rebecca