Tangled............

Yes, I am referring to the movie. It has been an interesting few weeks to say the least. I feel a mess and Tangled seems like much more than a movie title in our home, it has been daily life both internally and externally.
Mothering  E is always an adventure, I seriously feel like it is. I never know what is going to happen daily, between her and I the spontaneousness of our lives is just living one big adventure. We wake up some mornings and just decide that today would be a great zoo day or it would be fun to have a last minute run to the park! I love living this way, its fun, its crazy, it keeps me busy and I need to be busy. Plus being gone means my house also gets to be interesting - like the pile of clothes on the dining table (it's customized and constantly changeable art in my opinion). But in the past 2 weeks the spontaneous nature of our home has been shifted as we spent 2 days at the Dr's office and one afternoon at the hospital. E had a fractured skull and then the next week she got sick - we stayed in - boring.... But now she is obsessed with "Tangled." It has been played everyday for 7 days - I could totally perform it for all of you, and if you ask I might just say YES! I loved Tangled, I am sick of Tangled, I have a feeling I will be watching Tangled tomorrow. I tried to talk her out of it today, but it wasn't happening.
So what type of parent lets their kid talk them into watching a movie everyday, even when they dont want to - the sacrificial kind. I am tooting my own horn, but my ears and mind have been overtaken by a fairy tale - that is sacrifice. The little bit of brain power I have is being consumed by songs, and horseys, and lots of hair.... But I will do it, I will watch it and sing every song with her, dance and watch my 1 year old practically quote it because she has been bound to our home, and so have I. Thankfully yesterday her fever broke, we are on the up-swing. Because of this we randomly decided last night at dinner to pack up and head to the beach after and watch the sunset - it was perfect, spontaneous and a great view! Then tonight, we hopped in the car after church and went to Ritas (E and I were both screaming for ice cream, it was fun).
We are living our days, what we have I am choosing to enjoy. I had a few break downs these past weeks - I barely slept after E hurt her head because of the fear of anything bad happening to her. Then she got sick, and once again I was consumed by fear, those were rough days for me. Circumstance, happenstance, whatever - I have had to face some sadness lately. However, no matter how much sadness could flood my mind at our families loss, at any given moment, I just have to let myself be consumed in living, all while missing them.
I don't know how to write this without being whiny, but I am going for it anyway. Every time I think of what I should be right now, whom I should be holding (both that Cary would be a month old or that I would be 17 weeks pregnant with Eli - although I could not have had both) I still cry - I cry. It happens almost everyday. When I think of living and enjoying E and being her mommy, I smile - I always smile. Emotions tangled together...... Tangled.............................