Feeling Frustrated VS. Normal

In the past few days I have been majorly frustrated. That is the truth, I love so many parts of my day. Cuddling with my daughter, nursing, playing, watching her play - but in the midst of all that I get some major irritations. These are completely inner mind games and dissatisfaction from a house that I can't seem to keep clean enough for a crawling baby (OCD perhaps), my new attempts at cooking or baking that didnt PAN out (get it, hahaha), and I have an inclination for what is next in my life. I always want the next thing, not the next best, but the next thing none the less. Things include, I want another baby, a new couch, a new rug, and to rearrange the entire house TODAY EVERYDAY. I literally spent one day last week taking down everything on the walls, patching all the holes and repainting the patch work. I am convinced I am going to put everything back up, but have yet to do so out of contemplation of what to do next. So you see my brain now - crazy right?

Chase and I talk about doing this and that around the house, when another child will become part of this family, what to do after we lose the dogs and these thoughts trickle daily through my mind while I am trying to enjoy what I already have. I just feel like I can't conquer these thoughts, what to do, what to do?

So it not just my mind racing but my physical body too! I am utterly down-in-the-dumps and feel overwhelmed by the tasks that I need to do, all the ones I want to begin, and finish. I have never been good at settling for anything, I put so much pressure on myself to be "good" and never give myself a break for what I have done but terrorize myself for my "to-do" list. I wish I would be able to honestly say" Look at what you have done" not "Ugh, there is so much left to do." It also creates a huge disconnect for me and Elizabeth. I want to be with her, but I have to sweep, do the dishes, cook, and make myself feel accomplished. And then, by the time I have checked off boxes on my mental list, I am exhausted and want a "Mommy Minute." So Mommy Minutes hurt me, they really do because then I think about how much guilt I feel at the time I spend watching TV, or surfing the internet - so much guilt, that is how much. I don't want to miss her childhood, but I am overwhelmed - my mind racing, so much to accomplish, and on top of that "DONT MISS A MOMENT OF HER CHILDHOOD" - how does any mother feel good about herself, if she is like me? I wonder...... I pray.

Everyday I seek to solve this frustrations, and I have yet to figure it out. There is balance somewhere in this mental and physical mess I feel I am in. I know there is plenty of scripture to teach me what to do, I have time to pray, so I do. And unlike other posts I am not posting so resolve I have already had, because I havent really had one yet, I will get back to you soon!