Moments until you are 2!

Elizabeth, this post will be brief, you turn 2 in 10 minutes. In 10 minutes you move from baby to a true toddler, though I already see you as such, now airlines and some amusement parks will also see you this way. I can't imagine telling people you are 2, you are my baby, I just can't see beyond this, now 9 minutes. I can see past the memories of the these almost 2 years (8 minutes). You amaze me, you are incredible and so intelligent, what will tomorrow bring? Will you grow an inch tomorrow, probably not, but there will be a change and it won't be a visible one, but I will feel different in 7 minutes, I just know it. So here I sit, anxious for what is about to come, you are my angel, my safe space so many days. Today you were so cuddly and I just know those years between cuddles and personal space are coming - and those years are going to pass as quickly as the past 2 have. I wait, its 6 minutes now. I feel sick. I don't want to say goodbye to these years - these baby years. The years that have taken people back, that someone so young could be so talkative, and count, and identify letter and colors and animals - will be people be as surprised when I tell them you are 2 and not 1 any longer. I have held on to 1, like I am holding to these last 4 minutes I have. Daddy is over here snoring and 2 years ago about this time, he was doing just the same, prepping for your arrival by being well rested, me not so much, I was up, like I am now. I was just waiting for what was to come, like these last 3 minutes are coming. What should I write that can't wait another moment, that I love you so much, that you are the light that sparks my heart. You have blessed me beyond expectation, you are Elizabeth! I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you..... One minute.........

When you look at heaven!

Elizabeth, when you look at Heaven and "Hi Jesus," I am blown away. Your memory of Him is so clear, and you simply greet Him. It makes me wonder, in your innocence, if are you experiencing Him in a more honest way than even me. Do you remember Him? Is He like a person you can talk to, because I know He is, but I wonder what you know. You randomly start singing "Jesus loves me" and I think in all honestly, you get it. At some point, it feels like more than I have taught you, I may have taught you the song, the phrase, the name, but today - you looked up and said "Hi Jesus" all on your own, I wish I understood how much you are grasping from talking with Him. And maybe in my heart, I am building this into to much, but nah.... God is setting a foundation for you, I am happy to be part of it. He wants you to know His son, like He has let me know Him. Oh and you so quickly rush to speak with Him; what I love most is that nothing was holding you back. Mommy often approaches God so cautiously because I may have stumbled that day and my heart just doesn't "seem" clean enough to talk with Him. So I hesitate, because I fear the consciousness I have of my sin before Him, but I will talk to Him anyway. I will remove my own guilt and approach the One, the forgiver, the One, the lover, the One grace giver. So here I go.... "Hi Jesus, can I talk to you as innocently as my 1 year old?" and I know His reply is "Yes."

Just a little note: I taught Elizabeth all of those things about Jesus, His name, where He dwells, and who is with Him in heaven (God, Cary and Eli). She is so sweet, she looks up and for a week it has been simply "Hi Jesus" and then today she followed it with "Hi Cary, Hi Eli." Tears welled up in my eyes, I responded to her greeting "Just tell them that you love them and miss them." She then continues to look up and says "I love you, I miss you" oh, mommy and does too...... I really do.

Not a long way down!

This will not be an easy to post to write, not emotionally, but actually. Elizabeth is touching my stomach and yelling "belly, belly, belly" and then tapping it as it jiggles, and yes, I just shared that with all of you, lucky. She also has a bucket of toys dumped onto her lap and get frustrated with them if they don't behave just right, so right now they aren't. Well, super mommy to the rescue, the toys obey me and then all is made right in the world.... She is happy once again.
Lately I have been secretly writing but today I knew I needed to write something postable.
And this post really started because, as much and as challenging as some of her behaviors have become - the good stuff, like the song she is making up and singing about a zebra and "I meet the lizard" (or something like that) well, these moments are just toooooo good. They are so good and I know they won't last. Today it just struck how much some of things I complain about, I will miss so much when they are gone. Like going to the bathroom, I mean you would think the smells alone would send her running out, not in. But today she had to be near me, so she brought in her colors and paper and laid on the bathroom floor and colored while I um.... Anyways, I know that implies TMI - but in that moment, as nasty as I think laying on the bathroom floor is, I realized.... "One day it is going to gross her out that she did this, and she will never do it again when this age is over." The moment was rare, a visible representation of the closeness, the bond we share. Experiencing the honest reality that she "has to be" so close to me that she would lay on a bathroom floor just to color in my presence, this ain't happening in a year; maybe even a month as she gains grasp of dirty and clean, okay and gross. Oh my, this is cause for celebration, I have something to share with those boyfriends she attempts to bring in my presence, because when I tell her she did this when she is 16 - she is probably going to be completely grossed out, at herself (or at me for allowing it). YES!!!!!
So, I just smile and feel an actually sense of joy over the thought that my daughter loves me, values me, desires to share her life with me. So here I am, loved, valued, important - and then I talk to who I love and value and find most important, my Father, God.
"Sitting at Your feet, is where I want to be. I'm home when I am here with You. Ruined by Your grace, enamored by your gaze. I can't resist the tenderness of You. I'm deep in love with You Abba Father, I'm deep in love with You Lord. My heart it beats for You precious Jesus. I'm deep in love with You Lord." ("Deep in Love with You Lord" - Michael W. Smith)
Honestly, here is my situation, I need to sit at His feet, desiring nothing more than closeness to my Father. Just like E will, one day, not just plop down wherever, whenever; often I have forgotten and not just sat when I needed too; I will miss her and He misses me. So I  go to sit, then I realize that where I am to sit is somewhere much dirtier than a bathroom floor. Yet in the same way I know E had no concept of where she was sitting, she sat their joyfully because of who she was with (that was me, go mommy go); so I just need to sit, He is begging me to just sit. He ask me to remove those concerns and concepts of where I should be sitting, and just do it, now, sit now, like right now, at His feet. Then, when I get down there, no matter where "it" ends up being, I know I really won't care, because I just need to get there....and thankfully it's not that far from where I stand......

E and I with the necklace she made me!