E was a great big sister tonight. So good that after she fell asleep I wanted to wake her up and tell her just how great I thought she was tonight. But my waking efforts failed and it was probably for the best quite honestly. But I stared at her and thought how quickly she is leaving six and headed toward lots of other things. I looked at her and imagined how much I will cry on her wedding day yall; deep thinking flooding this mommas mind.
Ugh, I digress, I can't.. The tears.. Wet eyes, this is not working for me right now.
This SAME child btw spent the entire morning arguing and screaming at me. Why you might ask? Over clothing and brushing hair, and I can't remember, but apparently and I quote "I am the worst mom ever" ... So there was that. And I have suffered a decent amount of annoyance with her today, all sprinkled in the midst of her wonder.
So what does REFLECTION say? Well today I maybe (or really I) wanted her to be everything I needed her to be and she, how do I say this, wasn't. I wanted her to not argue about her shirt, and maybe she just didn't like her shirt or hair, or shoes, or blah blah blah. (Side note: you are NOT the only parent to argue with their children, CONGRATS). I needed no argument and I pushed her to wear what I wanted, and I guess that is the harm in only being six, shirts cause BIG emotions in little bodies. Emotions she could not handle, and well I could not handle her emotions over a shirt. So there's that.
GAH, this is my life yall... and I wasn't as patient and understanding as she needed me to be. I call a truce on the shirt fights...
Tonight though, she was bigger than the stress of today and my hefty morning expectations. Little brother wanted mom and dad to lay down with him, while we frantically tried to get things in order for tomorrow, she walked him back to our room. I heard her calming voice reassure him that she was there for cuddles, and he drifted off to sleep right beside this perfect being of sister! (Ah, tears are back.)
Oh and reflection says: She was perfect lunch time hugs for this drained momma who felt quite the failure of her own expectations too. Hugging me and telling me if she prayed for me, that she would pray I have a better day.
It also reminds me how she wanted to go see my grandma and grandpa tonight (her greats) and that lead to nearly three hours of love and refreshment to my soul. She didn't even know she gifted me that time with them, I am so glad I said "Yes."
Reflection says: She had a pretty amazing day and that she is the most amazing kid.. and she is mine.
She was great. Now onto tomorrow!
Love,
The honest mom named Becca
